I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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