Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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