I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize