I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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