a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
