First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
