Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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