I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
