Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I see more hoeing in ur future
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