Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize