i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
