I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
