I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
