It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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