Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
