I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
