somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
