Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
