I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it because I queefed?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
