So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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