i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
