3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Quick, to the slutcave!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
