Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
