And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
