is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
