Plan B is the new Plan A
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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