Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
