Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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