Please, let me fuck your mom
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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