Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
