I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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