So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize