I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
