sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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