I wanna bring you to show and tell
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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