It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
