I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
