i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
