is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
