you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
