Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so explain again why im purple
no
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
