He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's always time for handjobs
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My life is pants optional.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
