My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
