i already hear my dad disowning me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
