sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
