I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
