Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize