She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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