Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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