oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
