I wish I could punch you in the face.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
