god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
