there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
