I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
