It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
