my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
