He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize