i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
operation have a gay friend backfired
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
