First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
