I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
