Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize