Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
