You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
