there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have post one night stand depression
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize