Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
