it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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