I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
