i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
