So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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