My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
