I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
