Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found puke in my bra..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
