When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Blow job season was short but glorious.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
