I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
