Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
