Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
