Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My ass is underappreciated
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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