How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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