I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
