I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
