note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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