P.S. I can't hear my feet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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