my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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