I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm at about main and main street
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
