It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
