He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
