She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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