How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
