he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
