You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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