I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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