I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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