I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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