everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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