I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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