then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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