The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are we still banned from the library?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
