i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
