that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
