I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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