YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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