i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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