my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
