coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
