you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize