so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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