How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
