be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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