I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
