shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize