I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need water and some morals
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize