I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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